July 13, 2026

I'm actually so much happier now,

I put the magnets from my old refrigerator on a new fridge in a house that has air conditioning throughout and there is a real difference. 100 degrees in the daytime inside for 3 months a year was actually intolérable. 

And yeah now I am paying a company for access to cool air. So relevant.

What did Zizek say- in Capitalism no thing is worth anything till it is scarce, and of course he was quoting other people, Marat's bff, for example, who was like "rich people need all the stuff that anyone requires for life to belong to them so that they can sell it to people who don't own it now, because suddenly, all the stuff that was universally required for life to just exist is now a commodity that five people own." 

Here's Marat, tubbed, just killed for other reasons (infighting amid revolutionists):

Zizek makes a good point that even when most of the world is roasting, a slender fragment, maybe an icicle in Hell's worth of people are making mad economic gains off of climage change because they can now take advantage of drought by owning water; of crazy maddening heat by owning power, and all of the downstream effects of all this which I am sure you know and I know and my heart is a tart cherry and I---

 ~~~~~~Cool Air~~~~~~

cool air

cool water

filtered breathable

but I watched the fire from the airplane (far) and I watched the hummingbird, today, who buzzed my face

free free free

blessing: a break in the mayhem

i didn't even trust my fingers to surround a pen hold it and write words anymore

my feet are like potatoes not in the "eyes" sense but in the buried sense

i guess i have always devoted myself to wherever i am

that is why i haven't seen that much of the world

right now i can see from closest to furthest away in terms of objects / beings that are visible:

a marble countertop

a recipe for bread

a notebook *my work one

my phone

some paper

a plant i am trying to save

swedish bitters, tart cherry pills, and some bone density capsules my mom gave me

a moth (dead) a corkscrew that is the brass tail of a pig

a chaga from hudson

a blender blade

three stones (one transparent)

the prettiest calendula i have ever seen a candle sculpture i made and a gravel drive

milkweed (which grew crazily in such unfavorable conditions) which is huge

a white painted wall and a tin roof

and beyond that: irrigation apparatus, a stop sign, a road with cars passing, 

an onion field

some blurry buildings,

a rise in the landscape with trees on top

and a white white sky

I actually kind of hope someone is reading this, this time maybe because I feel somehow good

Like not as if I am trying to do something good on the internet, maybe more back to some kind of normal feeling relation to the blog, just confiding here, with no expectations. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Did I Start~~~~~~~~~~~~?

Did I start by saying, that I felt--- good? I can't remember. my morning walk had many corpses. 

I took their photos out of reverence: a duckling, a swallow, a completely dissected bird (no feathers in sight, just gummy red/pink muscle and bone, just-alive, but not.).

When I walk down my road I see many things now.

How being in a different place makes you see things new, now.

How being in a new place is new, and is: new.

How Fancy Neighborhoods feel far-off now. How Neighbors become clearer.

How I didn't like the old neighbors looking at me anyway, and am good with this agricultural gaze, now, and the few neighbors who are somehow also here, who know we are connected by circumstance (disaster feels more present, possible) and yet retain a sort of perfect ratio of privacy-to-intimacy, which is exceptionally rare.

How I also miss having people to look at and to be looked at by, now, which makes me, ? Be old.

How there is a water tower that once served railroads in my backyard which has the original bricks of the Caldwell Downtown, Hand-Arranged by a Very Christian Man named Ted Carpenter, who was planning to see out the End Times in this house, but didn't because his first wife who shared the vision died before him and then his second wife who was into Grey Bathroom Decor and probably did the marble kitchen top on which I am currently typing did not.

No offense to Ted. I actually get Christ now. I read "Christ Recrucified" by Nikos Kazantzakis and totally get Christ now: he was just a guy trying really hard to battle the state, which was corrupt and exploitative, full of horrible people, full of greed, lies, nasty bosses all horrified to lose their status... I get it now, it is the same as now. 

Water for sale; cooled or heated air for sale; time for sale (OMG); peace, probably (yes) for sale. Etc.

Next read: something specifically about the life of Christ, so maybe, "The Last Temptation of Christ" by the same author. 

How are you? Have The Lentils put out a new album this year? How do you keep making bread and washing the slime off of lettuce head butts and not drinking too much and staying in touch iwth old friends and caring for the special gem-gift of a new friend and (possibly you but not be) caring for children and/or dogs/chickens/cats/mice/captive birds/tarantulas/hamsters/bunnies/fish, each other?

Idea: you send me a poem and I'll send you a photo in response. 10 exchanges, max.