i just found my old myspace acct w songs uploaded long ago: when i was playing as ingrid blood
sometimes i feel like old wisdom is surprising, for instance, i really like this song called "follies" and sort of wonder if i can even write songs like that one anymore. like the development i've gone through as an artist has made it possible for me to make what i am making now and what i'll make someday in the future... but it is strangely sad for me to listen to these old songs that are so far in the past, which carry a sense of initiation to them. i want to be able to play them, i think, but this distance that i am rediscovering them through is a kind of painful pleasure and a certain sadness accompanies all of this.
and then i think of what will happen when i eventually move away from the platform that i am currently keeping my songs lodged within going under the name spirit kazoo now, and think how there is always this dust flying off of me as i move through time, and how the dust is comprised of chunks of material that i have made, because i am a maker, and i suppose i kind of keep time through this process of creation and loss. last summer i was going through this phase of moving out of my apartment and had designated any paper material with writing on it that i couldn't throw out completely as "tension envelopes" and they stayed here in the blog actually. and now i am thinking this blog is something that i will probably move away from sometime, at least it seems so likely that it could happen. ok now i am listening to a song that i wrote for anna called slamdance and it is weird, i wrote that one only a few weeks ago but i still feel distant, and so far i have no idea how to access it except through this weird listening to it that almost seems like spying on myself and i'd rather just make something new so i can keep replacing the dust as it flies off as i dive forward through time.
what even is the past what even is the futurrrrr
sometimes i feel like old wisdom is surprising, for instance, i really like this song called "follies" and sort of wonder if i can even write songs like that one anymore. like the development i've gone through as an artist has made it possible for me to make what i am making now and what i'll make someday in the future... but it is strangely sad for me to listen to these old songs that are so far in the past, which carry a sense of initiation to them. i want to be able to play them, i think, but this distance that i am rediscovering them through is a kind of painful pleasure and a certain sadness accompanies all of this.
and then i think of what will happen when i eventually move away from the platform that i am currently keeping my songs lodged within going under the name spirit kazoo now, and think how there is always this dust flying off of me as i move through time, and how the dust is comprised of chunks of material that i have made, because i am a maker, and i suppose i kind of keep time through this process of creation and loss. last summer i was going through this phase of moving out of my apartment and had designated any paper material with writing on it that i couldn't throw out completely as "tension envelopes" and they stayed here in the blog actually. and now i am thinking this blog is something that i will probably move away from sometime, at least it seems so likely that it could happen. ok now i am listening to a song that i wrote for anna called slamdance and it is weird, i wrote that one only a few weeks ago but i still feel distant, and so far i have no idea how to access it except through this weird listening to it that almost seems like spying on myself and i'd rather just make something new so i can keep replacing the dust as it flies off as i dive forward through time.
2 comments:
"Everything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
thanks stephen, kurt..
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