operations and undercurrents over * off paper

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

thinking about today (from saturday)


albert

a genius

kjell and i are working there is the art
life must become art when one is compelled to question reality
and expects to live through it

call albert tomorrow
read his manuscript
think about everything
move here
live as cheap as possible
spend most time working on art
less time sitting

today was so fucking amazing
woke up went to tool library
tidied
patrick arrived with sandwich 
made coffee
laughed
long talk about nothing
and silent canoe trips
brain is recently ridden with strong chemicals
must suppress them
keep focused
anyway patrick and i are becoming friends again
paul arrived
tour chair 
he looked at the place a bit
felt it out

don't be such a clambery glassy fool

abby came
awkward story
with her getting "angry" at someone
"sending curt text messages"

why so negative ?

albert arrived
drove up in his black pickup
larry waved out the window
they came to get water
they had taken the free heirloom tomatoes
i met albert

i covered my breathless anticipation with playfulness
easiness

but it was so easy
talking to albert
he talked to me
we spoke
i pulled the silliest thing from it
the thing that flattered me
that i should have forgotten 
midnight sun and all
he wanted to speak with me

breathe
don't just shut down
it is still going
nothing will be perfect
it will take time

the garden is growing so slowly
the trees are still standing

if i am to teach children what will it be?
i wish only to learn about them
to have them teach me what it is like
to be them

we can make art together
i can tell myself about them
and they can tell themselves about me

i will not aestheticize the experience for my own gain

i am committed to this

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