albert
a genius
kjell and i are working there is the art
life must become art when one is compelled to question reality
and expects to live through it
call albert tomorrow
read his manuscript
think about everything
move here
live as cheap as possible
spend most time working on art
less time sitting
today was so fucking amazing
woke up went to tool library
tidied
patrick arrived with sandwich
made coffee
laughed
long talk about nothing
and silent canoe trips
brain is recently ridden with strong chemicals
must suppress them
keep focused
anyway patrick and i are becoming friends again
paul arrived
tour chair
he looked at the place a bit
felt it out
don't be such a clambery glassy fool
abby came
awkward story
with her getting "angry" at someone
"sending curt text messages"
why so negative ?
albert arrived
drove up in his black pickup
larry waved out the window
they came to get water
they had taken the free heirloom tomatoes
i met albert
i covered my breathless anticipation with playfulness
easiness
but it was so easy
talking to albert
he talked to me
we spoke
i pulled the silliest thing from it
the thing that flattered me
that i should have forgotten
midnight sun and all
he wanted to speak with me
breathe
don't just shut down
it is still going
nothing will be perfect
it will take time
the garden is growing so slowly
the trees are still standing
if i am to teach children what will it be?
i wish only to learn about them
to have them teach me what it is like
to be them
we can make art together
i can tell myself about them
and they can tell themselves about me
i will not aestheticize the experience for my own gain
i am committed to this
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