handle

currently a few days off from "graduating" college
have just started watching copious madmen
does this mean i am an adult
or does this mean that i am giving in
in some way to the post college (just pre post) lethargy
the common condition for people my age so i am told
other sources say we're going strong
everyone i know is busy busy
with something
partying
getting high
reading lakota wisdom
making exquisite cakes
managing restraunts
i am going at intern at a place called the union for contemporary art
the word "confusion" arose about its purpose
in an article about it in the omaha world herald
which can mean i suppose a few different things
one of which is that the union works somewhere in an inbetween or a
not yet finished/figured place
someplace new
newness is confusing
right?
if you're not ready for it entirely
if you weren't looking for it
mad men feels like something new
to me at least
i have never really gotten into any long form tv
i have never really had that
but now i feel these characters in my head
thinking about their lives instead of mine
i can see how it helps you
to get out of a loop of thinking
about people that you
don't want to keep thinking about
every day like this
every night
it is weird to be that slackjawed gawker
with the pretty people dancing in front of you
unaware that they are just dancing bears
some would say i am about to "start life"
that's an old idea
when life meant a job, spouse, kid
life starts differently now
no job no spouse
no kid
but something, right?
something has to be different
the opportunity to fulfill my responsibility to a contract of debt that i have chosen to be in?
all for the experience of college?
forgive my cynicism, if that's what this is
i think it might be
something else,
something like obligation
that i knew of and know about and was planning on i guess
watching mad men
making soup in the morning
counting this pile of change
doing the laundry
no job
no kid
no spouse
graduating